Life happened (follow up)...

As my last post stated, life happened and I totally didn't make time to write, especially trying to write about the Photo a Day challenge.  I don't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.  Part of me says it was a good because that means that my life didn't revolve around my illness whether it was by scraping up ways to raise money or writing which then turns my brain to relate every thing to it-but at the same time, it is bad that I fell off the writing bandwagon because it is really a therapeutic outlet for me.  There is really a large part of me that relies on ways to let out the energy that I feel from what has happened to me.  I do, however, find that my mind is slowly creeping away from constantly identifying as the girl with UC.  I am slowly learning to live with and really accept my new body, which is weird, because most days I hate it.  Most days I am sad that I will never use the bathroom like normal people. 

With all of that said, let me tell you what has been happening in my life.  I went to Austin as a last minute treat/trip to spend time with a friend that was recovering from a brain decompression surgery- yeah exactly!  Which was interesting because I had never really spent a lot of time with this friend prior to this.  She jokingly says we were all "downtown friends" being we only hung out when we were all downtown, but to my surprise, we were pretty much a match made in heaven.  We had SOOOO much in common. There was a lot of lounging on the couch and watching murder mysteries (my fave!) and lots and lots of laughs.  It was so relaxing and a much needed break.  I am so grateful we were able spend that much time together and I hope it was as therapeutic for her as it was for me.

I also had a mini-meltdown as I realized that I have been feeling worse and worse and the only thing I can attribute to it is my eating habits.  The crazy thing is, as much as I know I need be better because of everything I went through, but its so hard to break 30 year habits.  (Thinking about how it all started will be a blog coming soon).  SO I am trying to work harder at added veggies to every meal and even adding new veggies outside of carrots and zucchini, but it is tough.  I don't really have the time to cook.  When I need to eat, I usually wait until the last minute to eat.  So now I know that gluten is the devil for my body.  Dairy might be just a bad friend, but not as bad as gluten has been.  So now I need to get back to gluten and dairy free, but most definitely gluten free- wish me luck!

My meltdown also reminded me that I have been struggling with my depression and anxiety.  I just don't feel naturally happy unless something extreme is happening and then when something extreme happens then I fall hard.  SO if I have a great day then I can almost bet that the next day I am at the complete opposite end.  Really, really thinking about getting back on that form of medication because I am at a point where I can't do it alone.  Then that brings up emotions of feeling like I have failed since I was so adamant about not being on any medication.  

So enough of the sad stuff, when I landed from the plane, I got surprised by Marc agreeing to get us a new pup. She is a tiny pittie and has been a joy in the house.  It has been tough with reteaching bathroom and not having her chew up the whole house, but I look forward to having her in our life for many years to come.

So that's it.... Life got the best of me and it wasn't a bad thing.  More to come as I get motivated to write again.  

Much love!